Question : A question was asked about [the validity of] preferring one child over others when giving gifts.

Fatwa in Brief: It is not permitted, except with the approval of the others, or if the child who receives the gift is unable to earn.

Shaykh Ibn Baz, Women Fatwa, pg. 205

Shaykh Yassir Birhami: www.alsalafyway.com

Response:

Preferring some children over others when giving gifts is disliked, but it is permitted if there is a reason [for doing so].

Commentary:

In [the collections of] Muslim, Abu Dawud and Ahmad, in a hadith attributed to Jabir (r.a.) which states:

The wife of Bashir told her husband: ‘Give my son a slave boy and seek permission from the Prophet (upon him be peace)’. He [the husband] came to the Prophet (upon him be peace) and said: “Indeed, the daughter of that person (naming his wife), asked me to give her son a slave boy’. To which the Prophet (upon him be peace) replied: ‘Does he have any siblings?’ The man said: ‘Yes’. And the Prophet (upon him be peace) then asked, ‘Did you give them the same as you gave him?’ He replied: ‘No’. To which the Prophet (upon him be peace) responded: “Then, this [the giving of a slave boy] is incorrect; and I will not be a witness except to the truth”.

[On the basis of this hadith] The scholars of the four [Sunni] schools of law agree that it is legally disliked (makruh) to show preference, or to single out children and give them money [while ignoring their siblings].

The jurists differ, however, as to whether or not showing a preference is actually prohibited. Abu Hanifa and Al-Shafi‘i agree that it is not prohibited; while Imam Malik argues that it is permitted for a man to give some of his money to some of his children without giving [the same amounts] to his other children. [Siding with the former scholars] Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal believes that showing any preference for one child above another is not permitted; and whoever does so has commited a [moral] error.

The preferred opinion is that of Abu Hanifah, Malik, and Al-Shafi‘i: that it is permitted to single out some children above others, to give them gifts of money, if there is a reason for doing so.

[Indeed, many of] The Hanbalis are of the same opinion. Thus, in the Chapter on Gifts of Al-Mughni, by Ibn Qudamah, we find that: If he [the parent] singles out for preference some of his children, and this preference is based on their needs – such as [the needs of children suffering from] prolonged illness, blindness, or [as the result of belonging to] a large family, or if the child is busy seeking knowledge or for any other valid reason – then it is permitted [to give them, and not their siblings, gifts].

Equally, a parent may base his decision to spend, or refrain from spending, on one or more children on [whether they commit] wrongdoings or [reprehensible] innovations in religion. The parent is equally free to prefer one above another, or to withhold his generosity altogether, if this will help curb disobedience.[1]

And God knows best.

Fatawah from the Fatwa Centre under the Supervision of Dr. ‘Abdullah Al-Faqih:

Some People of Knowledge are of the opinion that the above hadith (of Bashir) supports the legal obligation of giving to all children equally and its being non-binding if it occurs in a different manner. They base their opinion on Ishaq, al-Thawri and al-Buhkhari. It is also the saying of Imam Ahmad.

The majority of scholars are of the opinion that it is [merely] preferred to treat one’s children with absolute equality. And there is a hadith to this effect, though it also warns of the dangers of being unjust. This hadith is narrated by Muslim.

[To conclude] The majority of scholars agree that, when giving gifts, a parent may prefer [one or] some of his children above the others, on the condition that these children are healthy adults. [We also note that] Whatever the parent gives before his death cannot be counted in the inheritance. This is the opinion of Imam Ahmad, according to a hadith narrated by Muhammad ibn Hakm and al-Maymuna. Moreover, it is the opinion of Imam Malik and as-Shafi‘i, and of most of the People of Knowledge.[2]

Dr. Anas Abu Shadi