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Q & A --> Prayer --> The Ruling on Neglecting to Pray and on How to Deal with a Family that does not Pray [Regularly]

Question : A question was asked about the ruling on how to deal with a family that fails to pray [regularly]

Fatwa in Brief: If the family does not pray, they are apostates from Islam. It it is illegal to live with them.

Shaykh Ibn al-‘Uthaymin, Risalat Sifat Salat al-Nabi, p. 29-30

Response:

The one who does not pray out of laziness – while nevertheless appreciating that it is obligatory for a Muslim to pray – is not an unbeliever (kafir). Thus, he and his wife should not [be forced to] separate.

Commentary:

Regarding the one who does not pray, if s/he denies the obligatory nature of prayer, s/he is an unbeliever (kafir) according to scholarly consensus. If, on the other hand, s/he declines to pray from laziness – while nevertheless appreciating that it is obligatory for Muslims to pray (as many do) – then s/he not be described as an unbeliever. This is the opinion of the four Imams, the majority of the pious predecessors (salaf) and the Caliphs.

Ibn Qudama mentions that, no Muslim judge in the history of Islam has separated a husband from his [Muslim] wife on the grounds that he is not praying, though many Muslims have, of course, stopped praying at one time or another. Thus, there is not the slightest doubt that [in most cases] the marriage between a husband [who does not pray] and his wife remains legal [and vice versa].

By the same logic, the husband who does not pray may not be described as an unbeliever providing that he grasps the obligatory nature of prayer. At the same time, it is incumbent upon his wife to encourage him to pray and not to lose hope [that he will begin again]. Thus, she must warn him of the penalties of neglecting to pray, and surround him with wise and good companions who may take his hand and guide him back to the path of truth. In such circumstances, friends play a vital role.

When calling a person to return to pray, one must consider the tone of one’s voice, lest you aggravate those you wish to encourage to go to their prayers. However, if he [the person who declines to pray] is surrounded by a committed group [of fellow Muslims], then their ethics and characteristics will encourage him to begin his prayers, without needing to urge or command him in the matter. The Prophet (upon him be peace) remarked that “in matters of religion, a person will adopt the same characteristics as his fellow”.

The wife who neglects to perform her prayers is subject to the same judgment; and we offer her husband the same advice. Hence, rather than rushing to divorce her, he [her husband] should remember the Qur’anic verse: “And enjoin upon thy people worship, and be constant therein” (Q. 20:132), and call upon her to rejoin the prayers, and to be righteous.

Both husband and wife rise to pray before dawn. They should ask God for help them, by saying:

“O Lord! Vouchsafe us comfort of our wives and of our offpring, and make us patterns for (all) those who ward off (evil). (Q. 25:74)

And they should remember God’s saying:

“Even thus (as He now is) were ye before; but Allah hath since thenbeen gracious unto you. Therefore, take care to discriminate. Allah is ever informed of what ye do”. (Q. 4:94)

They should remember that if God bestows upon a Muslim the gift of guiding someone [back to prayer] then this is better for the religion, and it is better for their lives [than divorce]. And a Muslim should be flexible in the way in which s/he calls another to return to prayer. Another useful way to convince someone [who does not pray] is to direct them to the wisdom of the outstanding scholars. Yet, it is not necessary to compel him/her to listen to, or [even to] read, these scholars directly. Rather one should look for ways to introduce the material that do not upset him/her. Perhaps one should start by telling this person about the simple and uncomplicated (raqa’iq) things in life. Hence, we might discuss matters of heaven and hell, [the nature of] God’s Attributes, His blessings upon us, and the stories of those who repent. This would be better than to begin by discussing the [technical] obligations for the prayer, and other such matters. [A last piece of advice] Do not rush. For God Almighty knows best.

Dr. Ahmad ‘Id